Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
