ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
