Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
She's the barista slut.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
