SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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