its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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