well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Randomize
