i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize