She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
