My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
