Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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