i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I wish you could order shots online.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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