The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
