Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
