I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
