Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
