census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize