hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
