i always forget guys have bellybuttons
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
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