my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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