I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
