i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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