She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
