Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
