I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Congratulations! We have a period
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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