I faked an abortion last night.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
No subtext here. People are naked.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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