Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
