Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
