YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
