Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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