I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
