sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
