I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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