did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
im holly from the hills drunk
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
