Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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