Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
