Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize