And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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