I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize