your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
