What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
