Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
