Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
operation have a gay friend backfired
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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