yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
