closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
