I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
