you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
