Whatcha textin bout Willis?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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