Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
