In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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