Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
