Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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