Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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