Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
My cat gives me a boner
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
