hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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