are you still at the devil's house?
I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
