3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
