all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize