For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
