So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
