i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
