Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
