i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
My dad just said "fuck circus"
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
