I am puke
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
