where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
