sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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