This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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