Christians are straight up FREAKS
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
