nut hugger
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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