Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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