I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
