Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Randomize
