fuck your aforementioned shoe
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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