I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
